Last week, I went with hopefulness to see DARK SHADOWS. I didn’t have hope because I truly thought it was going to be a great film…though I do always sit down to watch a film wanting to enjoy myself.

No, I went to that screening with hope because if DARK SHADOWS didn’t deliver, it would mean my first month of the summer at the movies would be a mainstream wash. When I realized this, I was both puzzled and sad, since in years past May has brought goodies like STAR TREK, JURASSIC PARK, and animated gems like FINDING NEMO. This year though, not much promises between THE AVENGERS and the Toronto opening of MOONRISE KINGDOM on June 1st.

It feels strange to be sitting out some big guns, but the two in may weren’t the only ones I’ll be sidestepping. While I could potentially cave to peer pressure, here are a few other potential moneymakers I’ll be skipping…

BATTLESHIP… Hollywood can’t be led to believe that making films inspired by toys is something we all want.

MEN IN BLACK 3… I can’t explain why, but this franchise never did anything for me.

MADAGASCAR 3… Saw the first one. The penguins and monkeys amused me greatly. but beyond that I was bored. Dreamworks really needs to start trying harder instead of continually trotting out sequels.

G.I. JOE: RETALIATION… See my rationale for BATTLESHIP and multiply it to the power of “hell no”.

NEIGHBORHOOD WATCH… I usually like Vince Vaughn comedies, but usually dislike Ben Stiller comedies. Better safe than sorry.

THE EXPENDABLES… I’m not averse to cheesy 80’s action, but I’d much rather stay home and watch blu-ray copies of the real deal.

On the Bubble:

SNOW WHITE AND THE HUNTSMAN… I was skeptical about MIRROR MIRROR and ultimately proven wrong. Will that happen twice? Or will this be “The Bad Faery Tale Movie”?

THE CAMPAIGN… I have a tenuous relationship with Wil Ferrell comedies. For every TALLADEGA NIGHTS that makes me laugh, there’s a STEP BROTHERS that only makes me sigh. The unfortunate part is that I won’t know what I’ve signed on for until I sign on for it.

So with all of those big tickets out of commission, what is an avid movie-goer to do? Well, luckily my favorite cinematheque has me covered. Not only will The Lightbox be giving me a chance to see screenings of classics like BREATHLESS, REBECCA, and JULES & JIM, but they will likewise be showing the genuine article from summers past with programmes that include JAWS, TERMINATOR 2, and TOTAL RECALL.

In addition, there are all of those “smaller films” y’all suggested during Matineecast 58.

So to my fellow bloggers, any of those entries on my hit list that you choose to see, I will be anxious to see what your reactions are. It wouldn’t be the first time my preconceptions were wrong, and it also wouldn’t be the last.

How’s about you? Any big-ticket films that you’ll be sitting out for your own reasons?

25 Replies to “This Too Shall Pass – Summer Films I’ll Likely Skip”

  1. I get what you’re saying (and a lot of the ones you listed are on my own ‘ignore’ list that I’ve designed. Have you seen the latest trailer for NEIGHBORHOOD WATCH? I had written it off as another lame Stiller/Vaughn comedy, but it seems to have stolen some queues from ATTACK THE BLOCK and Richard Ayaode’s involvement gives me a bit of hope. Not sure if I’ll be seeing it in the theatre, but I can say that it might be interesting enough for me to give it a look see if nothing else is that interesting that week.

    1. Playing the ATTACK THE BLOCK card might have scored it a few points for me since I *do* love that film, but I cannot remember the last time I liked a Ben Stiller film. That trumps all.

  2. Skip Battleship. Skip it. For the love of God, skip it. It may be the worst movie I’ve seen in the last five years. It’s truly, truly awful; nothing about it works on any level.

    As far as the rest…yeah, I’m pretty much with you. I may see MIB3 and Retaliation just because I have invites to them, but I don’t really want to see them, and Neighborhood Watch just reeks of derivation to me. I am curious about The Campaign, though I’m cautious– Galifinakis is hit or miss for me.

    1. Part of me thinks THE CAMPAIGN might be intelligent and timely (and I do still find Galifinakis funny). The thing about comedies is that I can never tell how much I’m going to like them until I’m in them.

      I call it the DINNER FOR SCHMUCKS rule.

  3. One thing that Expendables 2 has going for it is Simon West, director of Con-Air. I’m hoping for a call back to the awesome action films of the ’90s.

    1. You’re becoming quite the chatterbox around here Bondo!

      While I do love me some CON AIR, Simon West alone is not reason enough for me to endure E2. I’d rather just stay home and rewatch CON AIR.

  4. I’m with you on all of these — none of them sound too exciting. Hell, I still need to see The Avengers, so I’m not exactly in a big rush to catch any blockbusters just yet.

    1. Well, the good thing for you if you haven’t seen THE AVENGERS yet is that there are really no big films between now and PROMETHEUS. So on any given weekend between now and 6/8, instead of tossing your money down on something that looks silly, you can throw your money at something you’re truly likely to enjoy.

      It’s like you saved a piece of candy for later and just now reached into your jacket pocket.

  5. The question isn’t so much which blockbusters I won’t see, but which I will see. I’ll probably see Dark Knight Rises out of obligation to say something on it, Spider-Man, because I’m interested in seeing Webb’s next film and Prometheus because Scott may make something that finally isn’t crap. And Brave, because it looks like Pixar is back on the right track.

    I have a slight curiosity on Chernobyl Diaries, only because I have a bit of a morbid fascination with the setting, but other than that, I’m staying away from the multiplex this summer.

    1. Heh, yeah – you’ve never struck me as the blockbuster lovin’ type. Though for you there are all of those solid sounding indies that got mentioned during the last Matineecast.

      On the other hand, this would be a great summer for you to be living in Toronto as The Lightbox will be showing GRAND ILLUSION, THE 400 BLOWS, JULES ET JIM, THE MAN WITH THE GOLDEN ARM, IT HAPPENED ONE NIGHT, REBECCA, TOUCH OF EVIL, DIABOLIQUE, BREATHLESS, and EYES WITHOUT A FACE.

  6. Let’s See:
    Battleship – Skipping it is now more a formality
    The Dictator – It was maybe, now it’s a maybe not
    Snow White and the Huntsman – This was a curiosity, but now I think I’m more included to see a trashy 3D sequel about killer fish that opens the same week 😛
    Rock of Ages – Having seen the musical, I was actually interested in seeing this. Then I saw the trailer.
    That’s My Boy – Just when you thought Adam Sandler couldn’t go any lower…
    Step Up Revolution – Why are they still making these?
    Total Recall – In a smart case of counter-programming, the original plays at the Lightbox around the same time (a week later)

    1. TOTAL RECALL I think I might regret, but am very curious about.

      THAT’S MY BOY and STEP UP, not on your life.

      ROCK OF AGES will be a game day decision. I don’t expect much from it, but did have fun with the stage version, so…

  7. Battleship
    That’s My Boy. I am done with Adam Sandler movies.
    GI Joe II.
    The Bourne Legacy. I will acknowledge Matt Damon as the real Bourne.

    I have some interest in Snow White and The Huntsman. It looks like a darker Snow White movie, I am interested in seeing how this would work.

    1. I’d be with you on BOURNE if it weren’t for the Jeremy Renner factor. At the moment, he’s an actor who automatically piques my interest in a film just because he’s in it.

  8. Wow, I can completely agree to that list while I also have a mild interest in both the Snow White movie and The Campaign.

    I would also agree with Peter on That’s My Boy because Adam Sandler is the Devil!

  9. I still haven’t forgiven the first Expendables for not only being absolutely awful (regardless of what men in their 50s dying to be young again will tell you) but for also giving Jet Li the most unceremonious middle finger of a role you’d ever imagine. He has what very well may be the worst “running gag” in the history of cinema which is followed up with him being getting his ass handed to him in a couple of throwaway fight scenes. I know he had to agree to take the role but that was just awful on a level of awful even I can’t fatham.

    As for the rest, totally with you. By the way, when did The Rock become to the go to guy for series with one foot in the grave and the other and a banana peel?

    1. Two days in a row! Pipe down there Chatty Cathy…

      Whenever people mention the first EXPENDABLES, I always think back to the fact that SCOTT PILGRIM opened that weekend and got financially crushed. For everyone who professes to love it now, I proudly wear the “Where Were You Opening Weekend?” tee shirt.

      As for The Rock, I’ve never understood Hollywood’s fascination with wrestlers.

  10. Summer films I shall be skipping: all of them. Except for The Dark Knight Rises and Brave (on your request). I’ll catch ’em all on DVD though – I really need to some more time in my days to have a better job and learn how to drive.

    The NZ film festival is where it’s going to be at!

  11. My sense of humor and Hollywood’s are not aligned and horror is not my thing. However, I will certainly see most of the big action movies and probably enjoy them.

    I like Will Smith but “MIB 3” just looks desperate. The first movie was okay but one round with the gimmick was enough.

    1. My brother has a rule against films whose last installment came ten years ago. While I hink he’ll be missing out where something like PROMETHEUS is concerned, I must say that he has the right formula when it comes to MIB3.

      I really want to know – who out there really wanted this film to get made?

  12. Wow, I think we’ll be skipping the same films! I won’t see any of those you mentioned on the big screen. I might rent MIB 3 and Expendables though, the rest, not so much. For sure I’ll be skipping The Dictator and What to Expect When You’re Expecting as well.

    1. By the looks of it, you weren’t the only one who skipped DICTATOR and EXPECTING! The stuff we’re being handed sure looks like tripe, doesn’t it?

      All we need now is for the indies to start playing. Hopefully by July things are in full-swing.

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