Ryan McNeil
It often seems so simple. We made a wrong move somewhere – smiled or returned the smile of the wrong person. Now we’re with them, whether they still make us happy or not. We’re spoken for: unavailable to that girl in the window, or that tall dark stranger who could come knocking.
Where it gets tricky is when we ask ourselves, could that girl, or that tall dark stranger be the right person?
We begin with Alfie and Helena (Anthony Hopkins and Gemma Jones). After decades of wedded bliss, Alfie has seperated from Helena. He has a new zest for life and his younger days. He starts driving a flashy car, tries to get in better shape, and eventually attracts a young golddigger named Charmaine (Lucy Punch). Meanwhile, Helena is left completely out of sorts, and can only turn to a sham of a fortune teller for guidance.
Alfie and Helena’s daughter Sally (Naomi Watts) isn’t doing much better. She is in a tense marriage with Roy (Josh Brolin), a med student-turned author who can’t seem to write anything that anybody wants to read. Their entire situation is worsened by the fact that both Sally and Roy are finding comfort outside of their marital bonds.
Sally is rather smitten with a gallery owner named Greg (Antonio Bandares), who just so happens to be her new boss. Meanwhile Roy is infatuated by a girl in a neighbouring building (Freida Pinto). While he only watches her from afar at first, there’s nothing like struggling to write a bad novel to give one the courage to finally say hello across the courtyard.
Just about every character in YOU WILL MEET A TALL DARK STRANGER seems to have the same mindset. Almost to a man, they seem to believe that their lovelife is in a rut and that they need to make a change. They need someone else – anyone else. If they shake off the person that has held them back, then suddenly their every wish will come true and their life will be filled with meaning and love. Problem is, it seldom works that way.
It’s a knee-jerk reaction. It’s believing that just because someone spontaneous caused you sadness, that someone methodical will bring you great joy. This flawed logic is ultimately what holds the whole story back. Because everybody in the story seems to be selfishly subscribing to it, we have no voice of reason to identify with. Not Alfie, not Helena, not Dia, not Greg, not Sally, and certainly not Roy who is the surrogate Woody Allen in this film.
Roy believes that he is stuck trying to finish his book because he doesn’t have the right muse. Well even when the woman who seems to be the right muse comes along, his book still doesn’t turn out right, so what does that tell you? His actions symbolize a cold selfishness that hangs over much of the story. Grey clouds surround this supposed comedy by surrounding us with great romantic confusion, but denying us any ultimate romantic happiness.
Discussing the work of great directors can often be frustrating. There are many who believe that after a certain measure of success, a filmmaker is doomed to repeat themselves. There are others who can only ever compare a filmmaker’s offerings to the very best they have ever offered. For me, filmmakers are like painters who offer us various phases of their vision. To this end, their films should be judged against everything else offered in the phase…not everything else ever offered.
As I reflect on YOU WILL MEET A TALL DARK STRANGER, I do not consider ANNIE HALL. I don’t consider MANHATTAN. I do however, consider MATCH POINT, VICKY CRISTINA BARCELONA, and THE SWEET & LOWDOWN. Unfortunately, when I think about Allen’s recent body of work, I still find the film wanting. The multi-narrative feels disjointed, and none of the scenarios carry the sexiness or charm that Allen is capable of infusing into relationships.
The film isn’t a complete disaster, and does offer a few laughs such as the psychic that reads fortunes using playing cards, Alfie waiting patiently for his Viagara to kick in, and the ultimate payoff of Roy’s morally compramised decision. But far too often, its characters spend minute after minute complaining about what they don’t want in life…and very little expressing what they do want.