Stop Crying Your Heart Out (Top Five Dysfunctional Movies)

In the world of rock & roll, this week marks the fifteenth anniversary of Oasis’ debut (and best) album Definitely Maybe. In an amusing twist, the band decided to mark the occasion by breaking up.

Now before we start cracking jokes about not truly realizing whether or not Oasis was actually still together, we must pause and admire a creative relationship that never failed to entertain. Truly, it’s a wonder that Noel and Liam were ever able to work together, since the history of Oasis is littered with brotherly rows. Hell, this isn’t even the first time Noel has quit!

Perhaps one day, there will be a movie about the brawlin’ Gallagher boys (thoughts on casting, anyone?). Perhaps if it’s done just right, it will take its place amongst the best movies about family dysfunction. So while I call my parents and brother, and thank them for not being so bad by comparison, please consider…

#5. DEATH AT A FUNERAL (2008)… Death can show you a person’s true colours; unfortunately when it comes to family, those colours can clash with ease. Confusion rises to the surface, and questions bubble over. Who’s giving the eulogy? Who’s paying for the whole thing? Why are you trying so hard to make an impression? When did you start dealing drugs? Who is the naked guy up on the roof? What’s that sound coming from the casket? And who invited the gay dwarf? Some families can get through a passing without such queries. Others, not so much.

#4. AMERICAN BEAUTY (1999)… The Burnhams almost don’t belong on this list. I mean sure mom is knockin’ boots with a real estate agent. Yeah, dad is blackmailing his boss and pumping iron to impress a teenager. And further, teenage daughter wants a boob job, and is running with the kid next door who makes weird videos of blowing shopping bags. But here’s the rub, as all three go through their lives hip-deep in their self centered dysfunction, each of them seems to get true happiness from it. The way they ignore each other, almost makes them work better as a threesome. Almost.

#3. RUNNING WITH SCISSORS (2006)… You’d think a family headed by a psychiatrist would have a running chance at mental stability. If The Finches are any measure, such a dynamic is about as stable as a detoxing chihuahua in a canoe. Poor Augusten is displaced from his unsound mom, who calls the kid in sick to school when she needs his help doing her hair. It can only get better from there, right? Nope – surrounded by a house that feels like something Doctor Seuss came up with on a mental health day, he inherits two instable sisters, a mom who never seems to notice the mountains of dirty dishes, and a father figure who wants to build a shrine to an optimistic poop! Oh yeah, and worst of all? The movie is based on true events!

#2. COOPERS’ CAMERA (2008)… Seen it? I’d wager no, and truthfully I’d almost forgotten about it until one of my own family members mentioned it to me as I was writing this post. Perhaps the only thing worse than family dysfunction, is having it captured for posterity on glorious VHS. Such is the crux of COOPER’S CAMERA, a Canadian movie starring The Daily Show’s Jason Jones and Samantha Bee. On Christmas morning 1985, Gord Cooper gives his very pregnant wife Nancy a camcorder. It gets a great amount of use its first day out of the box, capturing all manner of familial awkwardness, which increases with each passing hour and glass of alcohol consumed. Awful gifts, unexpected estranged guests, inappropriate crushes (that’s plural), theft, nudity, and deep dark secrets. It’s cinema verité on too much egg nog.

#1. LITTLE MISS SUNSHINE (2006)… I’m a glass-half-full type of guy, and thus, LITTLE MISS SUNSHINE exemplifies what I think about family dysfunction. It shows that while our kin may make choices that confound us endlessly, true families – even those at odds – come together when the chips are down. They put aside their differences and personal demons, band together and push the proverbial van. The six Hoovers all seem to exist in their own separate planets, but those planets all orbit in the same kooky universe of togetherness. Such bond-despite-differences is rare, and is indeed a Hollywood creation that some families can’t seem to achieve. However, that doesn’t mean they should stop trying.

Did I miss one? Feel free to leave comments naming your favorite dysfunctional family movies, along with suggestions for the next top five.