So Much To Say

A bit of a break from the routine today.

Odds are, over the past few weeks, you’ve heard me make mention of my younger brother’s wedding. I’m happy to report that this past Saturday, the wedding of Rachel West and Shane McNeil went off without a hitch. Given that many of you know them both – either personally or online – I hope you know I mean it when I say that I wish you could have been there.

In the run-up to the big moment, Shane gave me and his three other groomsmen our gifts and cards. The card he gave to me is what you see in the photo above…and if Shane was looking to make me weepy before we’d even changed into our suits, then mission accomplished. If anything, it gave me a bit of an extra shot in the arm to get up and do a fitting best man speech.

As the night went on, many people complimented me on what I said…which as a writer and as a person who gets behind a microphone often, are two of the best compliments I can get. So in the hopes of closing the book on the memorable day, and in a desire to share my thoughts about Shane Patrick McNeil with you fine folks, I’d like to show you what I said…

As the first McNeil to speak today, it’s my pleasure to welcome Rachel to our family. Rachel, I don’t know if you know this, but when I was younger I really wanted a sister. I can remember it well – it was April of 1982. I was sitting in our backyard in Mississauga, eating my fruit roll-up, listening to Billy Joel and wondering what was going to happen on the next episode of The Dukes of Hazard. I remember thinking “Geez, it’d be great to have someone to share this with – I wish I had a sister!”. One month later my mom and dad brought Shane home and said, “meet your little brother”. After that, I thought “Know what? I’m good…I don’t need any more siblings, I’m alright.”

When I think about my brother, several words come to mind:

Writer, Prankster, Pissant, Jackass, Asshole…

“Smart” is a word that comes to mind. This is true: Shane is one of the smartest people I know. Here’s how smart Shane is: when I was 11-years-old and Shane was 7, my parents – in their “infinite wisdom” – came down with a rule. They decided that because I’d grown a lot bigger than Shane, that I wasn’t allowed to hit him. It didn’t take Shane long to figure out that there was nothing in the rule that said that he couldn’t hit me. At 7, he figured this out. After a while he wouldn’t even run, he’d just walk up to me because he was bored, thump me and give me a look like “What are you gonna do?”. That’s smart.

“Traveler” is another word that comes to mind when I think about Shane, and in that way he and Rachel are a perfect pair since they love to travel so much. I first came to know this about Shane eight years ago when he struck out on the trip of as lifetime that would take him to some amazing places and keep him away for an entire year.

At that time I wrote Shane a letter, and when I got to thinking about what I wanted to say today, I realized that if I changed just a little bit of the phrasing of that letter, that it would serve nicely as marital advice.

After all – marriage is a lot like travelling. You gain lasting memories that you share with another person. You make changes in your plans that might not seem like they’re what you want to do, but take you someplace great. There’s a whole bunch of shit they don’t tell you about on the website…

But back to the letter, it went a little something like this.

Dear Little Brother…

 Today, you have turned to the woman sitting next to you and – in the words of The Black Keys – said “I’ll be Your man”.

I’m rather proud of you, since when I step back, I understand that this next phase of your life is about a search for two of life’s most important things: love and adventure.

Really, it’s the very best phase one can enter into: one that begins by saying “I do” to the woman you love, and ends with as much possibility as an open road.

While nobody has asked me what sort of husband I think you’ll be, I’ve known the answer for a long time. The answer is that you will make us all proud; both by knowing when to stand on your own two feet, and knowing when to lean on the woman standing next to you.

In truth, I wanted to write this to say goodbye. A certain type of goodbye because the boy I knew as my little brother is gone. The man who stands in his place has all of my brother’s best qualities – but is stronger, wiser, and more confident…thanks in large part to the woman who brought it out in him.

Every late night you endure will teach you a new lesson. Every scary decision you enter into together will inspire you to write better than your highest expectations. Every act you do in the name of love will come back to you for the rest of your life.

Remember to listen to Otis Redding whenever you need the answer. Remember to hold Rachel’s hand when you walk down the street. Remember to call Mom, or else I’m gonna hear about it. And remember that you can always find your way home by figuring out where the woman you love is and following your heart’s compass to her.

It hasn’t been easy saying goodbye to that little kid and getting to know this grown man…but I look forward to getting to know him better.

After all, that little kid – whether he knew it or not – was my best friend of all.