Ryan McNeil(Good luck getting that song out of your head today!).
My days have been getting off to a bad start this week. I could blame it on the fact that I’ve been sleeping through my alarm. I could blame it on the fact that I’m in a post TIFF and post U2 hangover. But nay dear reader, I choose to blame it on a poster.
See every morning, as I wait on the subway platform, I stare across the tracks at this piece of popcorn palace propaganda…
…Now from what gather, this film is pretty good, and I might well see it sometime. But it never fails to ruin my whole morning. Why? Because I think it has to be one of the dumbest friggin’ titles for a movie I’ve ever heard.
It’s so bad, that when I recently saw a trailer for it, the audience giggled audibly when the title card splashed at the end. My bride-to-be actually leaned over and said “That’s not seriously the title, is it?”.
But I refuse to have my morning commute ruined before I even step on the train one day longer. So take a moment everyone, and allow me to remind us all that a title reminiscent of long distance charges might be bad…but there have been worse. This five will be short and sweet, as I believe many of these titles speak for themselves.
Prepare thyself…
#5 …
(No movie title should evoke visions of a cat leaning on a laptop keyboard)
#4 …
(I could make a comment, but this is a top five, not tee ball)
#3 …
(Really?? Was there already a film called PEER TO PEER NETWORK???)
#2 …
(Hey Hollywood – You know you’ve screwed up when you’re film title sounds like it should be in a pink package in the Feminine Needs aisle)
#1 …
(Anyone else see this title and imagine that it’s about someone groping their way across the entire midwest?)
Did I miss one? Feel free to leave comments naming your favorite bad movie titles, along with suggestions for the next top five.
Well all the ______ Movie films should qualify for a lack of creativity. Same goes for the sequel to The Fast and the Furious: 2 Fast 2 Furious.
As for Firewall, I understand why they named it that, but as a film it's ability to do technology talk made my head explode. My mom has spent 20 years working in the computer programming field, I'm a computer science major, but when Harrison Ford's character started doing computer talk we turned to each other and said "did you understand that?" It's just mumbo jumbo.
Feeling Minnesota could also be mistaken for a porn film staring Minnesota (because we all know Porn names are so original).
Good list :). By the way I bought some K-Pax the other day, it's actually for a rash :P.
Gotta say, I actually kinda like BADASSSSSS!, but I'm a big fan of calling Gigli "Jiggly", so right on with that one. You missed out on Midnight Meat Train, though. Is it a horror movie? Is it hardcore porn? Is it a combo? Who knows? Thus in lies the mystery of the Midnight Meat Train.
I can't think of one, but you totally made my morning. I laughed out loud. Thanks.
@ Univarn… There's a special hell for all the _____ Movies. And thanks for reminding me! I went to put some K-PAX on a rash last week and noticed we were out. I need to stop at the drug store on the way home.
@ Aiden… MIDNIGHT MEAT TRAIN?? Yikes. That certainly trumps BAADASSS…and gives me visions of nudists doing a conga line after hours.
@ Jess… Happy to entertain 🙂
For me the bad movie title conversation begins and ends with "Lucky Number Slevin," a title that makes me want to hurt someone.
As a devoted Minnesotan, I do have to wonder what is meant by that title. I can tell you Keanu Reeves hasn't been doing any "feeling" around here lately…
I can't believe I've never heard of BaadAsssss!… can you imagine the publicity campaign for that one? "Now don't forget, three A's and five S's. No, two of the A's go in 'Baad' and the other one goes in 'Asssss'. I understand your confusion. Everyone makes that mistake. *sigh* No, you're right, it's not the traditional spelling."
Hehe, good choices. My vote would be for "Definitely, Maybe" as at least the worst in the last five years.
your k-pax comment is hillarious!!!
Okay, that comment over in Joel's blog made me wander over here to leave a random comment, but this entry made me laugh so hard that I can't just be random, after all.
No movie title should evoke visions of a cat leaning on a laptop keyboard
It amuses me to no end that there is one other person out there who thought this when that movie came out. I thought for sure I was alone.
FWIW, I've been blaming everything on my U2 hangover (and have concluded that they will never – no matter how many times I see them – play my Must-Hear Songs).
As an aside (sort of), I always assumed that Feeling Minnesota was a reference to the Soundgarden lyric, which makes a lot more sense when the other half is added ("I'm looking California / but feeling Minnesota…"). Then again, I'm not sure which came first. You may have to ignore me and my nonsensical ramblings.
Nodding, winking, and off I go!
@ Norma… SLEVIN made my shortlist. I've never actually seen it, so dare I ask – what's a "Slevin"?
@ Nayana… Wanna know what really sucks? When BAADASSSSS premiered at TIFF 2003 it had a much better title. It was called, and I'm not kidding, HOW TO GET THE MAN'S FOOT OUTTA YOUR ASS.
@ Daniel… Good one! Especially since that piece of crap is not at all befitting of naming itself after such an awesome Brit record!
@ RC… Thanks. I'm here all week.
Snakes on a Plane.
@ Zach… But without a title like that, how would anyone ever know what the movie was about?
@ EHCH… As I mentioned before, happy to entertain. I get that Van Peeples was trying to reference his dad's classic SWEET SWEETBACK'S BAADASSSSS SONG…but there had to be a better way.
I'd like to double-bill Badasssss! with Sssssss on a night when I can't get enough S's.
You're right about Cairo Time…some folks use a slug of Nyquil to fall asleep instantly, all I have to do is say CAIRO TIME to myself–ZONKKKKK, ZZZZZZZZZ!!!
"Feeling Minnesota" could be expanded to all "VERBing NOUN" titles. "Crossing Jordan", "Judging Amy", "Chasing Amy", "Regarding Henry"…
Any title that gets it name from a Soundgarden lyric can't be all bad, can it? I kinda liked the randomy gibberishness of Feeling Minnesota, though maybe it's because I get what Cornell was saying (I think).
It's not awful, really, and it may be based on a previous work (I think it is), but I always thought Tristan & Isolde was bad, if only because I kept reading it as "Tristan & I Sold E," for my own amusement if nothing else.
Lots of good picks all around, though. I think my least favorites are the uber-generic rom-com titles: Love Happens, Love Actually, Actually Happens, Love Love, Happens Love…
@ Margaret… Maybe they should have called the movie WARM MILK AND A TURKEY DINNER.
@ 24… I like CHASING AMY as a title, but the rest all seem to suck. That said, I do like the song by Sloan called LOSING CALIFORNIA. Hopefully, that doesn't get turned into a movie title.
@ Fletch… I can forgive T&I since it's named after such an old story. But I second your "Happens" stance, which falls in with 24's point earlier.
Funny thing though. Days after posting this entry, I saw a trailer for the new DeNiro movie which could have made the list too. He's in a flick that looked ok, but had the gross misfortune of being called EVERYBODY'S FINE. (Yikes!)