Ryan McNeil
Sometimes in life we lose sight of who we are, and instead allow what we are to set the course. Eventually that course becomes so defined, that trying to continue on without it is like a streetcar trying to run without rails. When this loss of direction takes place – and in every life, it will take place – we’re left in a state of excruciating self-doubt.
And the worst part of being in this mental state, is how it takes so much effort for your every waking move.
RABBIT HOLE is the story of Becca and Howie Corbett (Nicole Kidman and Aaron Eckhart). When we meet them, we quickly learn that they are trying to come to grips with the death of their four-year-old son Danny. The problem with a tragedy like the death of a child is how it takes people who have spent years becoming one, and instantly tears them apart.
The Corbetts, like many couples, grieve the loss so very differently. Their story is not just about how they try to keep themselves together as functioning adults, but if their relationship can survive a moment of such indescribable and deeply personal grief.
The deepest difficulty facing Becca and Howie is the fact that everybody deals with such trauma differently – even people who love each other so much. It’s these differences that take something so terrible and make it feel infinitely worse. Coping in different ways gets called into question, and before long, questions arise as to whether we are coping, denying, or disrespecting.
Where The Corbetts seem to be having the most trouble is in balancing reflection and motivation. They both know that they aren’t done mourning Danny – hell, they don’t even seem to be done blaming themselves for Danny’s death. But with that comes another insecurity…that of moving on. When fathers and mothers are suddenly yanked back to only being husbands and wives, there’s suddenly an omnipresent feeling of “Now what?”. How long do you tough it out with someone in that situation? Do you even tough it out at all??
Every day and every decision suddenly becomes a test:
How you talk about it, if you talk about it, what you do with your days, how often you glance at a photo, how long you keep drawings taped to the fridge, how many days you can go without crying, who you decide to share your grief with, and ultimately how you move on.
These people are both still so visibly shaken, but they don’t understand the place each other is in. Howie seems to want to dress his wounds with connections – going to group therapy, talking things out, and even trying for intimate moments with Becca. On the other hand, Becca seems stuck in a place of rudderless instinct. She makes desperate snap decisions like visiting her old workplace unannounced, and giving away Danny’s old clothes – always seemingly in the hope of moving forward. Sadly though nothing is working, and it all begins to seem like she’s holding her hand over a flame just to feel something.
While this story is tremendously sad, it is also one of hope. It’s hope after all that allows people like Becca and Howie to get out of bed every day…allows them to walk out the front door in search of the smallest bit of comfort. The trick at that point is to understand that solace will not arrive like a double rainbow on the horizon. Odds are that it will find its way to us in the smallest of tokens. It could be a plant budding in the springtime air, or even just the faintest notion that somewhere out there is a parallel universe where a different version of you is having a good day.
While the human pain of RABBIT HOLE can be difficult to endure at times, it is a very real and tender look at what happens when people begin to let loss be their guide. In times like these, it’s important to remember that even though our journey has seemingly come to a screeching halt, that the tracks are still there…and it is possible to continue forward.