Ryan McNeil
There’s a funny side-effect to establishing your online presence in relation to one thing: sometimes it can seem like you are defined by that one thing. Whether it’s fitness, food, politics, parenting…the badges we wear on our own spaces and across social media become a part of our identities.
The funny thing about that is how you can know that there are a lot of talents, roles, and interests that make up who you are, but to the vast array of those who interact with you online, you are about “that one thing”.
So what happens when you take a while away from that one thing? Film, in my case.
For a while now, I’ve been using Letterboxd to log my viewing habits. I don’t use it to post thoughts on every movie I see so much as I use it as a diary of what I’ve watched and when, and likewise see what my friends are watching. Most of us choose not to jot down thoughts on every movie we watch, so the site primarily serves as something of a ticker. So imagine my surprise on Monday night when I sat down to log that I’d watched WOMAN OF THE YEAR…and noticed that a whole week had gone by since I last watched a movie.
The last film logged was the Monday prior. It was the blu-ray of THE LOST WORLD I’d bought myself after Christmas. Even then, I probably shouldn’t have counted it as I had it playing while I was cooking dinner, and didn’t really give it my full attention until the final act in San Diego. That takes us back to Oscar Night, when I watched SOUL KITCHEN as a respite from red carpet coverage.
One week. No movies.
Near as I can recall, that hasn’t happened since I’ve started keeping up this space.
So the first thing to wonder about is how that happened? For starters, it was a busy week socially. Friends and family were dropping by Casa del McNeil, and an entire night was dedicated to the annual Movie Blogger Drink-Up. This is always a good thing. Whether people come to you, you go to people, or you all gather somewhere in the middle, I must echo the wise sibling who once told me that being social trumps watching movies every time. What’s more, I can certainly say that it’s the social aspect of discussing and going to film that has encouraged me to consume as much as I do. Still, sometimes it’s glorious to gather and do “something else”…talk about “something else”. Try it sometime.
Beyond the social, I found myself reaching for other distractions. Sometimes it was my camera, sometimes it was my records, sometimes it was my books. When you get into a rhythm with one of these things, it’s hard to pull yourself away, isn’t it? You want to keep turning pages…keep creating images…keep flipping the record over and playing the other side. Looking back, it seemed as though I found a groove where these pastimes were bringing me a great deal of warmth and comfort and I wanted to stay there. Basically these moments felt like ten-thirty on a lazy Sunday, and I had no desire to pull back the blanket and throw open the curtains.
Oddly enough, the warmth and comfort I found in these interests was despite the fact they require more active engagement than the passivity that comes with watching film. Funny that, no? You’d think that one would find more relaxation out of shutting the brain off.
So I was being social, I was playing with other things, that should account for two or three days – how’d we get to seven?
The trip.
If you follow me on social media in any way, you probably saw updates coming from a long weekend spent in NYC. Now at first glance, it seems academic that a bit of travel would lend itself to some cinematic distraction. Between waiting for planes, sitting on planes, and chilling at the beginning or end of a day, there are lots of gaps to watch something short. The movies were right there on the hotel TV, on the display in the plane, on the laptop in my backpack, and on the phone in my pocket. However, even in these moments with these outlets. I found myself more consumed with my book, my camera, and my company. All of these activities seemed like a better use of my time than just “one more movie”, and looking back they absolutely were.
Interestingly, there came a moment when the streak was almost snapped on our third day in the city. The original plan was to wander neighbourhoods I hadn’t wandered before and take photos, but a heavy bout of snow was on its way. So for a moment, I considered taking refuge in the Brooklyn Academy of Music and soaking up their screening of THE HUSTLER. But then I found myself thinking “When’s the next time you’ll be down here? Man-up and take some photos in the snow”. Thus, Paul Newman was sacrificed for a chilly walk through Hell’s Kitchen.
And y’know what? Time well-spent – every minute of it.
So here I am, looking at a seven-day gap in my film diary where it seems like “nothing happened”. Somewhere between seven and ten selections feel “missing”…and I couldn’t care less. I mean, it seems weird to see it, but only because it’s the first time that has happened. The next time, it will probably only be met with a shrug, and the time after that not even a shrug. Oddly enough, it all comes hot on the heels of someone jokingly suggesting that I give up watching film for Lent. If the last week is a testament, it would appear as though it’s a sacrifice I could handle.
Here’s the thing, it’s all of those other activities that give my film consumption its context. It’s the conversations they spark, the books they suggest, the songs they prompt, and the ideas they inspire. It’s “one thing”, but that “one thing” is only a worthwhile pursuit in the way it leads to so many other things.
So if you too have that “one thing”, no matter how much you adore it, take a week away from it and drown yourself in other things. You might find it makes you appreciate that “one thing” all the more…or you might find that you didn’t even realize a whole week had gone by.
I’ve been like this since the year started. Sure, seeing movies is nice and all, but I want to catch up on my reading more. (I’m currently reading my eighteenth book of the year.) It feels strange to be neglecting the blog (though I’ve been doing that a lot the last year or so) but at least I’m doing something relatively productive.
I’ve already read a dozen books this year, plus an additional two graphic novels. High five!
Well, it was a New Year’s resolution.
Do you have a total in mind that you’d like to read before the end of the year? And what’s been your favorite so far?
Not really. I just want to read, that’s all. In regards with favorites so far, they are:
Missing Reels by Farran Smith Nehme
The World in the Evening by Christopher Isherwood Stoner by John Williams
Sunflowers by Sheramy Bundrick
Tampa by Alissa Nutting
Funny Girl by Nick Hornby
I want to read Missing Reels SO BADLY! I put it on hold from my library months before it was released, and they still haven’t bought any copies. I’m trying not to spend money, but I might have to make an exception.
Well shit, now I guess *I* have to get my hands on a copy, don’t I? Thanks Jandy – as if my ‘to-read’ pile isn’t stacked high enough…
I get you. And I guess my thing this past 2 years has been blogging. After going super hard on it trying to be a post a day guy while in T&T I’ve been spending more and more time away from it. I keep trying to go back almost as if it’s something I need to do to keep going, but it’s getting harder and harder. I come home from work and hit the couch and whether I watch 4 episodes of TV or 3 movies or play a couple hours of video games or even venture out I always have this voice in the back of my head “you haven’t edited that podcast” or “you didn’t write about that thing you thought you were going to write on” and I shrug and do that thing I was doing for another hour or so…. and then the clock says I need to sleep so I can do more work the next day.
I don’t want to blame work, because even when I was looking for work and unemployed for a stint I still had that laziness/unenthused feelings.
I get the respite of being away from it all. And I applaud it these days. I doubt I’d ever give up movies. Or even wanting to think and talk about movies they way the blog and podcast lets me. But I’m not certain if I have the be the sole creator will ever churn at a blog as heavily as I once did.
PS. I have 4 unfinished drafts for editorials in my dashboard right now.
PPS. I ‘m still ‘racing’ you on letterboxd and am losing horribly.
Of course you are, because you’re too busy going out/playing games/watching TV/what-have-you. Likewise, I’m losing to others because there are plenty of moments where I dedicate a 2-hour block to re-organizing things, getting out of the apartment, watching basketball, and so on.
Too much of any one thing will always leave you short in other places. The question then becomes whether you find yourself wanting those other places more.
As for not wanting to be a sole creator, I’ve always said the same thing: When it stops being fun, it’s time to move on.
…just don’t be a stranger.
Good for you Ryan! I for one thoroughly enjoyed your wandering around NYC on this side of instagram anyway. It’s funny to think that I, on the other hand, am desperately trying to watch a film a day! Something that I’m normally too busy to do amongst everything else! I find it too easy to appreciate a different artistic treat!
I believe in challenges – whether it’s a film a day, a book a month, an album every week. There’s nothing wrong with setting goals. Further, don’t for a moment think that I’m going to parlay this brief vacation into a full-on drift away from film.
I guess the point was just to think about how those goals work within the larger mosaic of the day-to-day…so if it means ramping up, or dialing back, ask yourself if it makes you truly happy (and from what I can tell, your answer would be ‘Yes”…so good on ya)
PS – Thanks for following the photo diary. Those have become a lot of fun to keep-up as the trip goes along.
You’re describing my life right now! My husband and I conscientiously sit down to watch a movie every Saturday evening, but it’s pretty rare that I watch anything much outside of that. But it goes in cycles, you know? In November, Dragon Age Inquisition came out and all I was doing was gaming for a month. In December I was heavy into Wilder and was watching an extra couple of his movies a week. Then I got a few books in from the library I really wanted to read, so that took over. Now I’ve got articles burning in my brain, so I’ve been spending evenings writing, or reading in research for writing.
I used to get really upset by this, because I wanted to do it all all the time. You can’t do it all all the time. Letting myself embrace that and be okay with focusing on one thing, even to the detriment of others for bursts of time, has really helped my frame of mind, for sure.
That’s the beautiful thing about this last week: I was never upset. I was never thinking about titles clogging up my PVR, or blu-rays bought-but-unwatched, or any such nonsense. I was so blissfully consumed with everything else that to let my mind wander felt as though I’d be sacrificing presence.
Who knows – next year I might take the bait and actually do the whole 40-day sacrifice for Lent!
We all go through bouts of this and get pulled to and fro as we move through life. If you’re finding more fulfillment in doing other things then, by all means do them.
Amen, brother!
Love this post. It’s true, sometimes we feel defined by that one thing, and it’s nice to just take a break. That’s why I inserted the ‘Fistful of Reads’ series on my blog, to make it more than film.
Funny thing about that – to me that’s a bit of a dangerous rabbit hole. Part of the reason why I started this site was to expand my readership beyond just my friends and family. I used to have a catch-all blog where I wrote about my day-to-day, sports, music, art, photography, and yes – film…but I found it too scattershot.
Now it feels diversionary when I stray off-topic around here – that post on Kanye three weeks ago felt like an out-of-body experience.
That said, considering how much I enjoyed all of these other non-film diversions, perhaps one of these days I might start a secondary outlet to talk about one or more.