Ryan McNeil
So there’s me on the weekend – trying to soak in a truly engaging documentary about our soldiers fighting and dying in Afghanistan. And on two separate occasions, I find my concentration stymied by people who are quite clearly theatre jumpers. How do I know they were theatre jumpers? Well when you arrive thirty seconds from the start of the film and continually talk over the first five minutes of the movie, odds are you didn’t just buy a ticket to a war doc. Even easier to spot are the two kids who came in 2/3 of the way into the movie (though at least they were quiet).
I doubt either of these clusters of theatre-jumping-young’ns read this space, but just in case they do, here are some helpful hints to making it a doubleheader while still respecting your fellow man…
- Pay For the Little Guy: Put some forethought into your larceny. If you know you’re the sort to go two-for-one at the multiplex, at least have the forethought to buy a ticket for a smaller indie film. They truly need your cash – the big-budget studio picture doesn’t.
- Stick the Landing: You might be finishing off one movie and making a mad dash for the next cinema door you see, but some of us have been in that darkened room from the beginning. Your ungallant entry might really shake the concentration of a paying customer who really wants to see the film. Slip in quietly…or better yet, if it seems like the film is already well on its way – don’t slip in at all.
- Think About It: Do you really want to see that second film, or are you sneaking in “just because”. The title and poster are outside the cinema door – rather than sneak in, get bored, and bumble out…take a second and decide if you wouldn’t be better off with something more up your alley.
- Shut Up: Pretty simple really – if the film you snuck into wasn’t your first choice, shut your pie hole. Some people came specifically to see it – and to hear it.
- It Takes Two: As much of a blind eye folks like me are willing to turn to these sorts of antics, don’t get greedy. If you saw your movie – and a good chunk of a second movie – call it a day. Yes, you could feasibly spend an entire Saturday from 1pm to midnight jumping from screen to screen of a badly laid-out multiplex, but after a while you’ll cross a barrier from skimming into full-on stealing.