Somewhere along the way to becoming a socially awkward movie geek, something strange happened…

Just three or four years ago, my movie geekdom was primarily my own. I say primarily because the joy of meeting and marrying a fellow movie geek is that nine times out of ten, you have a date to join you at the multiplex. However, with the two of us being the movie geeks that we are, independence has its place and we never think twice about going alone if there’s a film the other doesn’t want to see. Thus, every now and then, I’d go see something alone and bask in cinematic solitude.

Going back a bit further, going to the movies alone was borne out of wanting to see a specific flick on a specific night. Building my nights from the feature out was getting tricky, with friends wanting to see different things, in different places, at different times. If I was making a night of seeing HARRY POTTER, then perhaps. However if it was a Friday in autumn and a new Scorsese film was out, then I was seldom in the mood to negotiate.

The cherry on top of the sundae is the notion that my movie obsession would drive my friends nuts. Even if they didn’t slowly go every which way – as friends always will – I’d wager they’d want to do other things with their Friday nights.

Put it all together, and you get a guy who got very comfortable walking into a cinema and looking for a single seat. But as I said off the top, something strange has happened…

Many of my good friends are now fellow movie geeks. They think nothing of getting together for a movie for the sixth weekend in a row, because they all love films as much as I do. I seldom go alone these days – heck, we seldom go as a pair. More often than not, I’m part of a group of three, four, five…

Hell, a gathering for a sneak peek at TINTIN had more than a dozen of us gathered! The social circles have overlapped so much that I have different clusters of friends hanging out together with family members mixed in…seeing the new Lars Von Trier for kicks on a Saturday afternoon.

What’s more is that even if I do think I’m going alone, I end up running into someone I know at the show! (Going to The Lightbox almost guarantees this phenomenon)

So some how, some way, being a huge nerd for all things celluloid has brought me more and more wonderful people to share time, beverages, conversation and fun with. I only bring this up to say how very fortunate I feel to have such luck.

One of these very people once told me that there’s a concept out there about making friends. The idea is that making new friends as an adult is pretty rare, and that after you turn thirty the friends you have are the friends you have. But here’s me at thirty-three, seemingly making a new friend every month. I feel pretty lucky to have found these people through a common passion – probably about as lucky as I do that perfect strangers click to my site and read my writing!

Apologies if this seemed sappy and silly, but the holidays make me reflective and I couldn’t help but reflect on the good fortune and wonderful friends my love of film has brought me…

21 Replies to “Guess Things Happen that Way”

  1. That sounds wonderful!
    I must admit that while my passion for writing abuot movies has brought me a couple of virtual friends and I enjoy my time in the blogosphere a lot, I still alone to 90 percent of the movies I watch. But then I’m not only past 30, I’m past 40, so I’m probably a hopeless case.
    Going to the movies on your own isn’t so bad actually. As long as you have virtual rooms where you can hang around and talk about it afterwards.

    1. I still do get in the occasional solo screening, but they’ve dropped way down – and actually I loved doing so. They used to be real handy when I just wanted to be alone for a few hours.

  2. I still head to the theatre solo more than I do in groups but I can concur that it is nice to see familiar faces at screenings. Growing up I was the only one of my group of friends, not to mention family, who fell into the movie geek category. While I met a few more movie lovers in university, it doesn’t quite compare to the insane movie geek community that I have been fortunate enough to meet in the last year and a bit. Not only have I discovered great films through them, but I have enjoyed getting to know many of the folks on a personal level as well. Honestly, getting to meet all these interesting, and down-to-earth, individuals has been the highlight of my blogging experience.

  3. Ryan, I’m thrilled to have married a film fan, but I do find myself going solo to movies fairly often, especially with us having a two-year-old at home. I’m still looking for a film community like you describe here in St. Louis. It’s been great to connect with fellow bloggers around the world, but it would be nice to have a group here to meet at theaters periodically. It’s awesome that you’ve found that type of community in your area.

        1. Might wanna check in with Shannon the Movie Moxie or James at TO Screen Shots and see how they approached the first Toronto meet-up. Does St. Louis have a film festival that you can use to plan a social and use that as a springboard?

    1. Morning screenings still hit me pretty hard, inevitably I find myself drifting for a moment or two.

      PS – TUMP just isn’t the same without you there to steer the ship.

  5. That’s awesome! I like going to the cinemas by myself most of the time (I’m a very independent sort of a person), but I usually drag along a couple of friends. Last summer we spent a few days in the cinemas catching up with all of the awardsy movies (like The King’s Speech, True Grit…) That was fun. I’ve basically turned one of my friends into a film lover, which is cool. What’s even cooler is that we both got something out of The Tree of Life.

    Still, no-one loves films like I do in Dannevirke, which I’m cool with.

    1. I secretly love converting friends and family members. My younger brother just convinced my parents to become members at The Lightbox …so I’m pretty proud that my folks are embracing their inner cinephiles.

      Keep up the good work bringing the heathens from the darkness into the light!

  6. Wow, if you’re this sappy with a week and a half to go before Christmas, I’ll definitely have to get the hankys out.

    At a creaky 46, I’m thrilled that I’ve been able to be part of the community we’ve built over the last 3 years – so much for that adage that you stop making friends at 30 (we bought our house when I was 32 and our neighbours have become some of our closest friends, so it’s less about age then about what you are doing with your life and how you meet people…I suppose that’s a “Duh!”, but there you have it…). So there’s still hope for you Jessica! B-)

    Given that I don’t hit the theatres anywhere near as much as you do (especially with all those early preview and advance screenings you kids are seeing), I do miss the camaderie you are sharing with the group, but I’m glad to be part of it when I do go out. I still like going alone though – I can get completely immersed, show up early or late, have my cozy aisle seat to myself…It does have its advantages. But there are some screenings where you really want to share – and that’s where we’re very very fortunate.

    1. The early preview and advance screenings are fun, but in many ways it’s a very different atmosphere. Aside from a handful of sexy titles, I think I much prefer our drink/Lightbox/talk routine for stuff like A CLOCKWORK ORANGE.

      But no matter which routine I’m running, I’m just glad to have company. You’re right buddy – very fortunate indeed!

  7. I envy you that you have a theater where you run into people you know- and can strike up new cineaste acquaintances. Indianapolis is very much a multiplex town; even the (quasi-)arthouse theater is a seven screen multiplex inside a shopping mall. The art museum has an excellent multi-purpose theater that has some repertory film programming, but screenings are too irregular to easily build a community around.

    In other respects, though our experiences have been similar. Joining a film club was the best thing I ever did for my social life. My circle of friends at 36 is far wider than it was at 26 and a world away from what it was at 16.

    I daresay this phenomenon isn’t limited to movie lovers. “Seek out people with similar interests and hobbies” is classic advice for the lonely and the shy. However, although admitting my bias, movies seem an ideal passion to bring people together. Moviegoing is a tried and true social experience, cinephilia a big tent with many members, and movies are an inexhaustible topic of conversation.

    1. Well said.

      Y’know, in the internet age I wonder how these sorts of things don’t happen more often. How there aren’t more clusters of people who come together thanks to a common love of something (books, food, a particular sport. The trick, I think, is to get them away from their keyboards and interact with one-another as people, which sometimes we feel too shy/awkward/busy to do.

      Your movie club sounds pretty cool though! Mind if I ask what sorts of films you’ve watched recently and what the demographic is like?

      1. Funny you should mention people getting away from their keyboards. The club started life as a small group that recruited mostly through word of mouth and low-tech print advertising (I found it through a flyer), but after a few good years dwindled away until it reached a do or die crisis point a couple of years ago. A good friend and I- two of the last three members standing- decided to try and build it up using Meetup.com. I don’t know if Meetup is active in Canada? It’s a social networking site with the specific mission of facilitating groups using the internet to coordinate off-line meetings.

        Overall Meetup has been a great thing for us; our numbers are way up and there’s a steady influx of new members to replace the people who move away, find new hobbies, start dating, etc. However, there’s a definite tension, sometimes productive and sometimes frustrating, between the people looking for friends to see a movie with and the people who are really seriously into film.

        Age-wise the group ranges from 20s to 50s, with a majority in their 30s or 40s. We program 10-12 events a month. Movie showings are split pretty evenly among new Hollywood releases in the theater and cult movies and classics at members’ homes. There’s about zero interest in documentaries and (frustrating to me) not much more than that in foreign and independent films. I still have to see most of the latter on my own.

        Hopefully you don’t regret asking after all that. 🙂

        1. I’ve heard of Meetup, but can’t say for sure if it gets any use up here.

          That’s interesting to hear about how the dynamic of your group goes from week to week. I think there’s a balance that needs to be respected between social gathering and discussion group, and I also think that’s very achievable as long as people keep aware of each others’ interests.

          As for getting people interested in docs or indies, I think it comes down to the gateway drug. Think about the sorts of films that got you hooked, and gently try suggesting them to others.

          If that doesn’t work, just call them heathens.

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