Ryan McNeilWhy does Hollywood continue to remake movies? Why can’t they just leave well enough alone??
Oh well – maybe we’ll get lucky and Connoly, Keanu & Hamm can pull of a better rehash than these bad ideas below.
#5. CITY OF ANGELS… Confession – I actually like this flick, however it pales in comparison to the masterpiece it was based on. Where WINGS OF DESIRE is evocative and existential, CITY OF ANGELS is sappy and slight. I place much of the blame on Nicolas Cage who makes as convincing an angel as he does a Ghost Rider.
#4. GODZILLA… When a cast that includes Matthew Broderick, Hank Azaria, and Jean Reno can’t save your flick, you know you’ve screwed up. Fans showed up to watch the lizard stomp New York, but laughed when the story included Broderick trying to test whether ‘Zilla was pregnant. Such lunacy prompted the Star Wars team to taunt the flop, by answering the “Size Does Matter” tag line with the note that “Plot Does Matter”.
#3. MR. DEEDS… If you cast Adam Sandler in a role once played by Gary Cooper, boy have you screwed up! Of course the release was overshadowed by co-star Winona Ryder’s shoplifting debacle, so most people didn’t notice the hideousness of this remake. But I did.
#2. THE PINK PANTHER… I’ve read about Steve Martin being funny in history books. I wonder whatever happened to that guy?
#1. THE TEXAS CHAINSAW MASSACRE… The original disturbed me to the core due to its low-budget quality that gave it a pseudo-snuff film feel. It felt as though the footage was real, and the deadpan intro chillingly told by John Laroquette, blurred the lines of what was real long before anyone had ever thought of a Blair Witch. But the Hollywood machine couldn’t leave well enough alone, and the movie was glammed up and re-hashed into a pale imitator. The new film even went so far as to give Leatherface a back story. Note to the suits – a killer who kills without motivation is much scarier than a maladjusted kid.
Did I miss one? Feel free to comment with your choices for the worst Hollywood remakes. Likewise feel free to make suggestions for next week’s top five.
Horrible remakes are a plague! You can do a list of top 5 horrible horror remakes in a given year it seems… There’s too many to name – but you have a great list here.
And of course if it turns out you enjoy this remake – I expect your top 5 best remakes.
“And of course if it turns out you enjoy this remake – I expect your top 5 best remakes.”
Geez man…shouldn’t a comment like that be preceeded by a spoiler alert??
How about Vanilla Sky? That didn’t seem as much like a remake of Open Your Eyes as it did a translation of it. I think Penelope Cruz played the same character in both films even.
I was *this* close to including VANILLA SKY, and like CITY OF ANGELS it would have been one that I'd have preceeded by saying "I actually like it".
Cruz does indeed play the same part in both, but ABRES LOS OJOS seems to have more heart. Likewise when the twist happens, it feels a bit less forced than it does in VS.
Personally, I put the blame on Cruise & Diaz. Recast those parts, keep Lee & Cruz, and Cameron Crowe likely ends up with a better movie.
Augh! City of Angels is not just one of the worst remakes in recent memory, but one of the worst movies altogether!
But no remake’s suckiness has offended me so deeply than Tim Burton’s Charlie and the Chocolate Factory.
“…But no remake’s suckiness has offended me so deeply than Tim Burton’s Charlie and the Chocolate Factory.”
Interesting addition to the topic Daniel – what bugs ya about it?
I’d rather not even think about it, but mostly Depp’s interpretation of the character. I also didn’t like any of the kids or the CGI Oompa Loompas.
I’m no lover of Burton’s Factory per se, but you gotta let the childhood nostalgia go and watch the original again. Sure, I’m biased as well, having not seen it until my late 20s, but, outside of Wilder’s performance and the originality, I was underwhelmed, and the lead kid is downright horrendous. I thought the new one was unnecessary but was effective at bringing Burton’s p.o.v. to it.
“another excuse to destroy famous landmarks with high budget effects”
As if the new Day could even deliver that. Well, unless you consider Giants Stadium/The Meadowlands to be a famous landmark.
No way, big guy – I’ve seen it many times since childhood and I still love it. You don’t need anything outside of “Wilder’s performance and the originality”!
Depp ruined Charlie and the chocolate factory. Sorry. He’s usually good, but lately Burton and Depp have been very indulgent. I liked Christopher Lee, and the Oompas being more true to the book- nothing can top the Wilder version for me, but visually the new one was excellent, it just once again went for Daddy issues and angsty Burton crap.