Ryan McNeil
Now and then over the last year, I’ve seen fellow film writers declare a film they just watched as “the worst”. For me, this goes beyond calling it “bad”, “really bad”, or even “terrible”. It projects a certain deafness, a certain absence of craft, an experience in torture unlikely to be repeated. In short, I don’t think my fellow writers really mean to speak in such hyperbole, because in the grand scheme of things, the movie couldn’t have been as bad as…say…ISHTAR…or SPICE WORLD.
I say this because this week, I watched ISHTAR…and SPICE WORLD…for the first time. Back-to-back.
Without getting too far into the specifics, I spent part of the holiday weekend with a friend who likes to show his Thanksgiving guests movies built around a theme, and the theme this year was music.
ISHTAR has long been a whipping boy for cinematic failure. One could say it was the JOHN CARTER of it’s day…only worse, because it actually came with a lot more pedigree than JOHN CARTER. In ISHTAR, we have Warren Beatty in his first film since REDS, and we have Dustin Hoffman in his first film since TOOTSIE. We have something that was marketed to the hilt, that actually failed to recoup its budget at the box office (unlike CARTER). It was also an example of a studio actually decrying its own product and sabotaging its chances.
Know what gang? Every bit of its failure is well-deserved. I could see how the movie wanted to be a Bing & Bob “Road to Morrocco”-esque romp, but it never gets there. Hoffman and Beatty have no chemistry together, helped in no small part with both playing against type. The songs are bad, but not “so-bad-they’re good”. The plot is inane and never once is this supposed “comedy” funny. Heaven knows, I like to look at picked-upon films and declare that they aren’t, in-fact, “that bad”. But ISHTAR is. How it ever got released in this state boggles the mind, except perhaps that by the time someone realized the problem, it was too late to go back.
You may eventually come across a think piece entitled “In Defense of ISHTAR”. Whoever writes it is wrong.
Now as if ISHTAR didn’t leave a deep enough bruise, its awfulness was followed by the awfulness that is SPICE WORLD.
SPICE WORLD – in case you’ve forgotten – is the vanity project for The Spice Girls, released at the peak of their fame. The “plot” is the misadventures the girls get into in the run-up to their first major concert at The Royal Albert Hall.
Now, in fairness, it doesn’t seem right to wail on SPICE WORLD for being a failure of filmmaking since its intentions are really to wrap the pop stars in a narrative and use it to sell them to their fans in just one more medium. However, hours before watching SPICE WORLD, I watched A HARD DAY’S NIGHT. What’s more, earlier this year, I watched JAILHOUSE ROCK. Now, neither one of these films are exactly what I’d call beacons of cinema, but outside of their starring idols, they are at least decent watches for the uninitiated.
That’s what I’ll never understand about films like SPICE WORLD, CROSSROADS, FROM JUSTIN TO KELLY, or even concert films like NEVER SAY NEVER. Why leave money on the table? Why not try just that little bit harder and try to pull in moviegoers beyond your fan base? I’m sure there are hundreds of scripts sitting around Hollywood about up-and-coming bands and singers. Dust one off and cast your pop idol.
So suffice it to say, I wasn’t impressed. Call me “Grumpy Spice”. The next time someone tries to convince me that a movie is “awful”, this is going to be my benchmark. “Awful” awful, or “ISHTAR and SPICE WORLD on one day” awful?
Here’s The Week at Hand…
Screenings
MOMMY – My country’s submission for Best Foreign Film. I approve.
THE TRIP TO ITALY – I was one of two people in the cinema laughing at this, and there were plenty of us watching.
Blu-Rays/DVD’s I’ve Never Seen
ISHTAR- Believe the hype.
SPICE WORLD – No really, believe the hype.
SWING TIME – It all goes so well, until Fred Astaire does a number in blackface.
JOURNEY TO ITALY – Know what made a great follow-up to my screening of THE TRIP?
Blu-Rays/DVD’s I’ve Seen Before
A HARD DAY’S NIGHT – It’s like the anti-SPICE WORLD
HEAD – Absurdist awesomeness with The Monkees.
THE MUPPET MOVIE – This movie will never not make me grin like an idiot
HEDWIG AND THE ANGRY INCH – Lindsay wants to revisit New York to see the new staging, I’m tempted to go with her.
SNATCH – How messed-up is it that I can understand most of what Pitt is saying?
PUNCH-DRUNK LOVE – There won’t be a PTA bender in December, there will just be isolated watches between now and then.
ONLY LOVERS LEFT ALIVE – Guess what blu-ray I got for my anniversary?
Boxscore for The Year
228 First-Timers, 163 Re-Watched
84 Screenings
391 Movies in Total
Hahaha, wow Ishtar and Spice World in one go sounds rough! I haven’t seen Ishtar, though I always have a morbid curiosity with movies with such negativity thrown at them. I’m sure I’ll see it someday, along with Battlefield: Earth!
This week I didn’t get through too many, but they were all good so that’s something!
First time:
Vampire Hunter D – fantastic!
Vampire Hunter D: Bloodlust – fantastic in completely different ways!
The Nest – Corman-produced mutant cockroach film. Lots of fun.
And I re-watched:
Fright Night (1985) – and by “re-watched” I mean, “I saw this like 25+ years ago as a little kid so it almost counts as a first-time viewing.”
I love when that happens – when it’s been so long since you’ve watched something that you’re basically experiencing it again for the first time. That’s awesome. Almost enough for me to institute a “Ten Year Rule”
I could see the merits of watching turkeys in the interest of science…but don’t through them on just for kicks. There aren’t enough hours in the day.
Spice World holds a special place in my heart as I saw it in university at our $2 campus theatre (where I also saw gems like Starship Troopers and Bring it On, and duds like Palmetto and Hard Rain). True Spice World is a bad film, but it’s so much fun it you see it with the right interactive/slightly drunken crowd.
New to me:
The Town That Dreaded Sundown (1976) – There is potential for greatness, but it is pretty much what you expect from a 70s horror film.
Dead Snow – Even Nazi zombies cannot save this mess.
Gentlemen Prefer Blondes – Finally dipping my toes into the films of Howard Hawks.
ABCs of Death 2 – Hated the original, found the majority of the shorts this time around very entertaining.
Housebound – A great old-school horror comedy, loved it.
What We Do in the Shadows – Speaking of horror comedies, this one was fantastic! Have not laughed that hard all year.
Seen Before:
The Queen – Solid but not amongst Stephen Frears best.
Little Miss Sunshine – Enjoyable but loses some of its shine with every viewing.
Maybe that was the problem – I wasn’t nearly drunk enough. Surprising considering that it came after ISHTAR, and alcohol probably would have helped both movies go down a lot better.
As for “Blondes”, riddle me this: Has there ever been a scene in movie history gayer than “Is Anybody Here for Love”?
Oh man, I’ve heard so many bad things about Ishtar. It’s been a long time since I saw the film but only in scattered pieces. The stuff w/ Beatty and Hoffman together isn’t very good. They’re totally mismatched. Plus, I heard there were a lot of egos that went on in that production as it reveals into why Elaine May has never directed a film since then.
Spice World however, is just a silly film that will be very dated for years to come though I do still like some of their music.
First-Timers: Gone Girl, The Skeleton Twins, The Lady Vanishes, Tideland, Jodorowsky’s Dune, The Legend of Hallowdega, The Wholly Family, and later tonight, Possession.
Re-Watches: Lethal Weapon 2 and White Men Can’t Jump.
See, you touch on something funny there…
I read a lot about how Elaine May became the lightning rod for this movie and had to basically claw her way back into the industry (she’s since become an Oscar nominated screenwriter). The crazy thing is, I can’t possibly lay the fault for this movie at her feet. You win as a team, you lose as a team. In this movie, the acting fails, the writing fails, the producing fails, and – yes – the directing fails.
Shit, Renny Harlin has been given the reigns of twelve more movies since CUTTHROAT ISLAIND. How come May has been benched for almost thirty years?
I’ve never seen Ishtar but I always thought it was a misunderstood film. You despised it so I guess it’s still terrible. I will give it a try someday though. However I will not touch that Spice Girls one.
Well this week was my 23rd Birthday. Just like last year on my birthday I posted my top 100 favorite films.
This week I haven’t seen much. The only film I saw was Annabelle which was terrible. But I started Seinfeld which is very funny and clever. And I saw a third of The Conformist which looks cool but I was so tired I fell asleep.
Have a nice week!
I believe in giving things a fair shake, and dismissing the hype (I am, after all, the guy who sees the virtues in JOHN CARTER). Sometimes though, a turkey is a turkey.
I’ll have to go take a look into your Top 100 and see how we overlap! Mine are a list attached to my Letterboxd account