Ryan McNeilWe are mere days away from the end of the decade, and this has many reflecting on all sorts of best-of lists. However, as I thought back on the last ten years, I felt I needed to take a moment and exorcise some demons. As a famous TV theme once said, “You take the good / You take the bad”…and lordy did I ever take the bad sometimes.
My one rule for this post was that I could only list movies I actually watched, thus bombs that I deliberately skipped (GIGLI, GLITTER, I KNOW WHO KILLED ME) weren’t eligible.
So allow me a moment to admit some crimes against good movie taste. Here are…
#5. MARIE ANTOINETTE (2006)… “So like, daddy just bought me – I mean I just received an Oscar…so like, I’m making my first movie as an Oscar winner…and like I had this idea to film around Versailles…I don’t really have…like…a script…or anything…but it’s gonna look, like sooooo pretty…”
#4. STEP BROTHERS (2008)… I’m so friggin’ tired of Will Ferrel acting like an emotionally stunted teenager in a middle age body, and John C. Reilly is just enabling him. If we all stop paying attention to him, will he go away?
#3. TRANSFORMERS 2 (2009)… Two words – Decepticon Scrotum.
#2. PEARL HARBOUR HARBOR (2001)… Check it out! back-to-back Michael Bay! When this came out, I remember that the LA Times headline read “Yep, It’s a Bomb!”. Not to be outdone, the New York Post went with “Bora! Bora! Bora!”. For me, the photo you see above of nurse Beckinsale checking out Captain Affleck is akin to how I felt sitting through this sappy dreck.
#1. THE BLAIR WITCH PROJECT 2: BOOK OF SHADOWS (2000)… I’ve said it before, but it’s the best way I can sum this shit up. When the movie ended, I turned to my date – who’d suggested we see it despite my pleas for anything else – and said “You owe me twenty bucks”.
Did I miss one? Feel free to leave comments naming the worst movies you saw this decade, along with suggestions for the next top five.
The Blar Witch Project II was really, really bad. I agree. Completely fucked up the magic of the original.
Good list. Others that I hope you skipped that I had the displeasure of watching:
From Justin to Kelly
Dragonball Evolution (which really depressed me)
Deuce Bigalow European Gigolo
Anything With Jamie Kennedy
Daddy Day Camp
Any movie with Larry the Cable Guy
Rollerball
Meet Dave
ah man the list could go on forever 😉
I did the same thing with part one being here: http://thistimeitwillbedifferent.blogspot.com/2009/12/my-worst-10-films-of-decade-part-1.html and part 2 being fairly easy to find soon after.
Agree that Step Brothers should be there or thereabouts. Transformers 2 was bad but I think it's getting a lot of hate now more for what it stands for than what it is.
I've just started a 'Films You Might Of Missed' list (first part here – http://thistimeitwillbedifferent.blogspot.com/2009/12/noughties-films-you-might-of-missed.html) which is kind of similar to Univarn's 'Great Films Nobody Saw' series. Might be an interesting one to do?
Marie Antoinette? Seriously? I know its very pink and fluffy and it doesn't really have a story but surely its not one of the 5 worst films of the decade?! There must be worse than that!
@ Miss Topanga… (Haven't heard from ya in a while – thanks for reading/commenting!) Yeah, I don't know what I expected it to be…just not that.
@ Univarn… Yup, happy to report that I skipped every one of those! My condolences that you couldn't.
@ Thistime… Thanks for the links, I'll be reading 'em momentarily.
See, I wanted to like T2 – I even own the first one – I just started feeling bored and insulted by that final blow-'em-up scene that seems to go on for an hour. Dumb action flicks like that are usually my kind of crap….this one was just a whole other bad vintage of crap.
@ Vanessa… I was so bored by ANTOINETTE. There was a good movie in there somewhere, but Coppola was too busy listening to Bow Wow Wow and dressing Dunst up in pretty costumes to make it.
Wow, you saw Blair Witch II. Bummer.
I might put Matrix Revolutions and Terminator Salvation on mine. Way to ruin those franchises.
And sorry, man, but I actually liked Step Brothers. Not gonna defend it to the teeth by any means, but something about Will Ferrell putting his ball sack on the drum set and telling John C. Reilly "Now you can play Moby Dick for real!" had me sold. Ugh, I have no credibility.
I loved Marie Antoinette so much that I included it in my best of the year.
Films I regret paying money to see – Fantastic Four, Red Eye, Madagascar, Memoirs of A Geisha, Last Chance Harvey (off the top of my head)
Marie Antoinette was brilliant I loved it, although it is the weakest of Sofia Coppola’s three features.
I didn’t see Step Brothers
Transformers had a few redeeming features. However Transformers two was utter crap and is currently #94 of the 98 in my 2009 list.
Pearl Harbour was a huge disappointment but wouldn’t get second place on the list.
Blair Witch 2 did seriously suck good choice.
I have seen I know who killed me and con honestly say it isn’t as bad as has been reported, it is much, much worse!
Three contenders from this year: The Spirit, Blood: The Last Vampire and Knowing.
@ Aiden… Yes I did. My therapist and I are still working on the repercussions, though he says we're close to a breakthrough.
And funny you mention those particular installments of Matrix and Terminator, as I actually dug 'em both.
(Comments on this post are gonna get fun).
@ Filmgeek… Can't say I've seen any of those so I'll have to take your word for it.
@ Fandango… Looks like I might be a tad alone in disliking ANTOINETTE. Though I'm kinda having fun trashing it while listening to how many people dug it. Thinking back, I probably chose it for this list for how much it mixed boredom and disappointment for me.
Never seen BLOOD, SPIRIT, or KNOWING (Thank God), and my running line at the time was that if Lindsay Lohan knew who killed her, did that mean that I can get away with not finding out?
Unbreakable
Lady in the Water
The Happening
Hmmm…
I am totally in agreement with you on "Marie Antoinette". Found it boring, shallow and lifeless. And I know that's the point and that the film's lazy atmosphere was supposed to reflect the life of royal decadence with a modern spin, blah blah blah, but a film can be about those things and still be a great film. This was not. A real disappointment, because I was such a huge fan of "Lost in Translation" and I do like Coppola's style.
But boy, what a hard movie to trash in front of people. No one I know agrees with me.
"Blair Witch II" was bad, but it did turn me on to the music of Poe, whose "Haunted" record is one of the best I've ever heard. The title track can be heard over the closing credits, should you ever decide to punish yourself one night and watch BW2 again. Probably not worth it.
For the record, Gigli isn't quite as bad as its legend might lead you to believe. I mean, it's an awful movie but it's not as offensively awful as you would think given the vitriol it inspired. Also for the record: I didn't pay to see it; I caught it on TV.
@ Daniel… LOL – I detect a trend!
@ Joel… Thank you, I was actually finding it hard to articulate what bothered me so much about it. You've hit it on the nose, and I too count myself a big fan of LOST IN TRANSLATION.
Can't say I ever wanna see BWP2 again, but I will go and download "Haunted" tonight. Thanks a million for the suggestion!
@ Norma… Well that's good to know. I'm glad you having seen it serves a purpouse to the rest of us who don't care to, but still want to stay informed. You're like the canary in the cinematic coal mine 🙂
Daniel,
Unbreakable isn’t a bad film. I haven’t seen Lady in the Water and The Happening was pretty dire. Whist we are on the subject. The Sixth Sense is one of the most overrated movies ever. It is worse than many of the films that people are suggesting as the worse of the decade but is made even worse by that fact people are fooled into thinking it was good. I was going to nominate it for this list, I know it came out in ’99 but it was so bad the stench lingered into this decade. I feel better after that little rant!
Can't argue with your top (bottom) 5. I'm trying to think of other terrible films I've seen in the last decade but I guess most of them get vanguished from the mind because they're so terrible. Saving Silverman was poor, while horror movies Reeker and Wendigo were completely worthless. I'd have to mentioned Freddy Got Fingered too, as well as the new Halloween and Scary Movie 2. Pearl Harbour has got to be the winner though – awful movie and such a waste of so much money!
On the subject of M. Night Shyamalan – Unbreakable is a brilliant movie, one of the best of its kind. Pre-dated Heroes which seems to borrow heavily from it. It isn't The Suxth Sense – it's much more thought-provoking and difficult film but it's superbly directed with some lovely visuals.
I second Pearl Harbor and Transformers 2, ugh! To this day I can't stand Josh Hartnett, though Affleck's slowly redeeming himself with his directorial efforts (love Gone Baby Gone).
One I'd add is Ghost Rider… I mean I generally like Cage but man, that movie is unbelievably bad I don't even know where to begin! Oh and The Polar Express: Cold, heartless and downright creepy. Magical? How about horrifying?
I happen to like Unbreakable, even more so than The Sixth Sense which I agree with Fandango it's overrated. I love the superhero twist of Unbreakable, it could almost be one of the best of the decade.
@ Fandango & Daniel… I actually still dig both SIXTH SENSE and UNBREAKABLE.
THE VILLAGE however…
@ Dan… (Not sure how you happened to find this humble space, but thanks for reading!). heh – I'd almost forgot about SAVING SILVERMAN. If I was nominating Jason Biggs movies, I think LOSER is the bottom of the barrel.
@ RTM… Damn – I've actually really started to dig THE POLAR EXPRESS, but then I tend to be a sucker for movies that deal with believing in Santa Claus.
Whatever happened to Josh hartnett – wasn't he Hollywood's "It" boy for five minutes there?
I forgot about Shyamalan! I saw Signs in the cinema and thought it was a massive let down and then proceeded to watch The Village and The Happening on TV – what a load of shit! I saw The Village hoping it would be a return to form and then The Happening because Zooey Deschanel is in it. Big mistake
I love Unbreakable so if this becomes a Shyamalan bashing comment section I'll have to come out (though I'll let them bash Lady in the Water and The Happening all they want). Oh and by the way Dark, got to see Invictus today, going to re-read some reviews, and post mine tomorrow 😉
haha I forgot about Unbreakable. I hated that, and so blocked it, for the most part, from my mind. There were a lot of bad horror movies that I saw, but a lot of good ones, too, so I'll have to sift through them all another time.
I couldn't even sit through the first Transformers (and I was watching it for free on a plane), so I never bothered with the second one. Wasn't a fan of Crystal Skulls, though I am not sure it'd be on my worst of the decade list.
You know I have to fairly scream the name of this one that you left out, though, just because it hasn't been said enough: THE BOX
Your comment to me, as the end credits of that piece of crap rolled, was quite endearing, as well: "WTF was THAT?!" lol
– Suzie McQZie
PS Attack of the Clones
am with Aiden R – Step Brothers is a good laugh, there were way worse movies in the decade. there were way worse Will Ferrell movies in the decade
JOHN STAMOS!
@ Filmgeek… Where Shymalan is concerned, I enjoed 6TH SENSE, UNBREAKABLE, and SIGNS.
I didn't mind THE HAPPENING at the time, but the more I think back on it, the more I think "WTF??".
@ Univarn… No, as I mentioned, Shymalan is alright in my book, so this comment section won't turn into a total Night-bashing fest. Now go write that INVICTUS review.
@ Soo-See… Yeah, THE BOS was on my shortlist, and came this close to making the final five. Part of me is in the holiday spirit and felt that the movie has suffered enough at my hands.
@ Ross… Sorry, no sale. It was a comedy that only managed to get one laugh out of me…and that's not an easy trick to pull off.
I've only seen 5 and 4, and though I didn't hate them, I didn't like them, either.
And hey – no adding a U to an American title of a proper noun! Crazy Canuck…
@ Fletch… I was writing a cheque, while eating a doughnut when I wrote that.
Colour me embarrassed.