Ryan McNeil
I’ve picked up a few new readers in recent months, so permit me to start from the beginning. When I was a kid, I didn’t really watch scary movies. For starters, my folks were pretty influential in what I did and didn’t watch as a child. They weren’t all that big on scary movies, and therefore I wasn’t either. As I grew up, their decision to omit the scary movies from my film literacy became a bit prophetic because it turns out I was pretty easy to scare (I kept my face hidden as I rode through the Haunted Mansion at Disney World gang). Was I a pussy because I has no spine? Or was I a pussy because I wasn’t developing a tolerance?
As time passed and I grew older, I started to gain a bit of nerve. On Halloween night of 1993 I decided to test that nerve by watching THE EXORCIST for the first time. I believe the experience at the time would qualify as what the kids these days are calling an “Epic Fail”. I had to turn it off – didn’t even come close to getting through it.
What went wrong? Well a few things. First and foremost, there’s the fact that I was raised Catholic. So while I wasn’t educated to see Satan as some sort of all powerful boogieman, I was present for many pagent-laden rituals. Seeing the darkest of them all unfolding on a TV screen did a fast job of tap-dancing on what religious nerves I had left in my body.
Beyond that, there’s that name. The possessed girl in this story, played so very memorably by Linda Blair? Her character’s name is Reagan MacNeil. And now that I’m not hiding behind a Lewis Carrol handle anymore, you all know that my name is Ryan McNeil. That’s pretty damned close folks…one lousy syllable off. It’s a little unnerving when a character in a film has a name close to your own; far worse when that character goes through what Reagan goes through.
Last but not least, there was the sound. When someone is trying to endure a scary movie, the obvious solution is to close your eyes when the really frightening stuff appears on-screen. However, with the exorcist, it wasn’t just what I was seeing that was screwing me up…what I was hearing was worse. I could feel it in my fillings and it upset me for reasons I couldn’t explain. It was if someone was making me listen to a kitten being drowned. As time passed, I found out what was going on.
The sound of THE EXORCIST…the Academy Award winning sound of THE EXORCIST…has faint effects laced into the especially disturbing parts. Turns out to screw with people and up the creep factor, there are sounds of angry bees and audio caught on a slaughterhouse floor mixed in, Gee, I wonder why the sound of this film was unnerving me?
Over the years, I tried to man-up and come back to it. I was determined, especially as I got older and my film literacy increased. I was lured by its status as a classic…intrigued by the fact that it was the only horror film ever to be nominated for Best Picture. But try as I might folks, I just. couldn’t. do it. I tried in broad daylight. I tried to go a little bit at a time. I tried plugging my ears. Dear friends, I tried it all – but all of those reasons I mentioned above just seemed too much to get around.
So this weekend, I got as close as I’m ever going to get. I rented the film and popped it on. In order to get around the upsetting element, I decided to drop the volume all the way down and turn on the subtitles. Of course, sitting on my couch in silence for two hours would be wildly ridiculous, so I decided to get a bit creative. I grabbed my doufy headphones and cued up the score to THE ASSASSINATION OF JESSE JAMES by Nick Cave and Warren Ellis. I had to listen to it twice through, but y’know what gang? It fit pretty darned well!
So that’s my story folks – I’ve finally soaked up THE EXORCIST as much as I ever will. I fully admit that this half-assed experience still makes me seem like a giant pussy, but on the plus side I’ve managed to handle horror films much harsher than this without problem. Sure some still give me the heebie-jeebies, but none have ever sent me scrambling for the remote like this one always would.
So make fun of me if you must…but you can’t say I haven’t tried to face my fear.
I find with most scary movies I’m seldom scared while watching them. But later when I get home and all the lights are out and that one door that has no right being open is open, you’ll find me briskly walking past… just in case.
However, The Exorcist really didn’t scare me much. I remember thinking about how amazing the score is, laughing hysterically with my friends at the killer line delivery of Linda Blair, and being incredibly intrigued at how everything was playing out.
While no other film screws with me the way that THE EXORCIST does, there have been several that leave me with a chill later. For instance, nights when I’m on the subway super late get me thinking of CREEP…times where I’m walking through a wooded area at night recall THE BLAIR WITCH PROJECT.
So yeah, similar after-effects on my end…sometimes including fruitless efforts in trying to fall asleep.
I’m really sorry for this in advance but Dawwww. This is such an endearing post.
I’m not a big fan of the genre either, and I do get scared, but I really love The Exorcist. It’s as perfect as horror movies come for me. What I can’t watch is things like Saw and stuff. I mean, it’s just creepy.
Okay to make up for my Dawwww earlier, I’ll tell you what does scare me. I was terrified of Megan Fox in Jennifer’s Body, the first time I saw it. I mean I couldn’t sleep. And, medical shows terrify me. And that is only the onscreen stuff. In the real world, I’m scared of like animals and heights and yeah, a lot :/
Great post 😀
In the real world I’m really not afraid of much. Makes it easier to own up to things like this.
Feel free to “Dawww” away…’twas part of the reason why I decided to own up to this particular shortcoming.
Nice article! You do a great job of justifying your fear for the film. I think the film’s scariness hinges on the viewer’s religious beliefs, as I’ve always enjoyed it but found it ridiculous. Exorcist is pretty relentless though, so your reaction is understandable. That being said I’ll resort to relating the title of an old self-help book to you: Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway. It’s the only way to conquer it!
I have to agree with Uni above also; I’m more scared by films after the fact.
I like that…”Feel the fear and do it anyway”. Might have to get that tattooed somewhere.
You’re right to bring up relgion. Given the amount of religion I was surrounded with growing up, I became an easy mark for a film like this. You’re right, it is ridiculous (Satan taunting with demonic cocksucking tells me he has really good writers down there)…but the bits that are meant to disturb still do disturb.
Plus, possessed kids are always creepy.
Doesn’t ‘Silence of the Lambs’ count as horror too?
Never knew that about the sound – but I hope you at least listened to ‘Tubular Bells.’ One of the great movie theme songs.
Hadn’t thought of that. SILENCE OF THE LAMBS probably does count as horror, but it’s also crime…so make of that what you will.
My first move was actually to watch the film while listening to the original soundtrack, so I got “Tubular Bells” off the top and then moved on to the persian sounds for the Iraq sequence. Then the soundtrack started to get weird…so I grabbed the iPod and said “Nuts to this”.
Had to pause the movie for a few moments before deciding what to fill the silence with.
Brilliant plan sir! Listen to another movie’s score instead of the dialogue of the one in front of you. I find it hilarious, but yeah, the sound in The Exorcist is what scares me the most – especially the remastered version that came out a few years ago. I saw it with my Mommy in the theater and I think we both had trouble sleeping that night.
So even though you didn’t really experience The Exorcist, I applaud you for at least getting through it and you can now say without a lie, that you have SEEN the film. Ha.
I was watching the remastered version (in all its spider-walky glory), so I can only imagine what was in store for me had my “mute” button not worked.
I think I neglected to mention that my first experience with it on Halloween ’93 led to nightmares, which probably din’t help matters.
Yeah, I make no bones about this move making me any less of a pussy, and don’t intend on counting it in my weekly watchlist/yearly tally…but for all intents and purposes, at least I’ve experienced the film from end-to-end and know its complete narrative.
(Sorta wish I’d done this before this year’s roadtrip, as I woulda like to have wandered around Georgetown and looked for the filming locations)
Let me get it out of the way: Yes Ryan, you are a pussy.
I will follow this with: yes the Exorcist is scary, not just on a horror factor but the ideas that it plays with. It’s been a long time since I’ve sat down to watch it but honestly it does get you, and the sound design helps a lot.
In general though horror films I find aren’t that scary because they go for the shock factor more than deciding to alter your perception of some fundamental things in this world (like family dynamics in THE SHINING or religion in THE EXORCIST).
But yes sir you have had your man card revoked and must rely on Mrs. Hatter to save you from that mugger one late night after watching cute puppies on the screen at the Lightbox (or whatever cinema you go to, I don’t know these Canadian things)
“Let me get it out of the way: Yes Ryan, you are a pussy…”
Agreed!
In general I get more affected by films that go for the psychological than the visual. Somebody jumping out of the closet and jump-scaring the people in the scene and the audience seldom get me (I usually see them coming). Ditto a gruesome bit of violence.
But start screwing with my head and making unexplained noises, or things move without explanation? I get a full-on case of the heebie-jeebies.
I surrender my man-card willingly, but Lindsay will be of no use. She’s more of a wuss than I am, just for different things.
And yeah, you got it right, we do indeed go to a theatre called The Lightbox. It’s probably my favorite one in fact.
If I lived in Toronto I would come round yours, bring some beer, lock the door and we would watch it. The McNeil/MacNeil thing is neither here nor there – though interesting. Rarely do we refer to her as Satan MacNeil.
I call “Shenanigans”.
If the girl in this film was named Simone Columb, trust me – you’d feel it.
I saw the Exorcist for the first time when I was 13 at a sleepover and it scared the shit out of me. Then I saw it when I was 18 as a midnight movie and it scared the shit out of me. I haven’t watched it since because, well, I don’t want the shit scared out of me again.
My mom only saw it once – when it was originally in theaters – and has nightmares once a year about it.
It certainly can shake one up if they are susceptible to such sorts of scare tactics, eh?
I’ve never gotten through the movie myself. I watched like 15 minutes or so of it when I was like 9 or 10 year old. I was already that kid who would sleep with the lights on until well into my teenage years so you can see how that has scarred me for life ahha
I’m feeling less and less alone by all of these confessions from those the film scared. Thanks dude. Was there anything specific about it that shook you up?
To be honest, I can’t remember anything from the movie.
You already know how I feel about this. I’ll admit that you wrote a really great post here. But it still only goes to highlight the real problem: you gotta grow a pair, man.
I’m sure one of these days we’ll get you to watch it like a normal person. Until then, at least you can say you’ve seen it the whole way through, you know with your eyes. (You still haven’t actually seen the movie. These no sound shenanigans don’t count.)
Alright smartass, riddle me this: Are there any films out there that have scared you?
The Shining still scares me every time I watch it, but it’s just a movie, and I even have it in my Top 20 Essentials. And in the end that’s what saves me, I always remember that it’s just a movie. The Exorcist is scary, but it’s just a movie. It helps that I’m an atheist, so I wouldn’t even be predisposed to thinking about the possibility of demon possession actually happening.
Of course, sometimes I do manage to screw myself over. Like last night when I watched a particularly scary episode of Supernatural, alone, at home, in my bedroom. It featured scary stuff coming out of a bedroom closet and there it was, my bedroom closet, wide open, mocking me. Needless to say, I made sure to not look in the direction at all until I fell asleep. Listening to a podcast episode helped.
I know I bugged you about your Exorcist headphone plan, but just to be clear – it was never because of you being scared of the film. I totally get how things that unnerve me don’t bug other people and vice versa. My issue was that you weren’t really seeing the movie without the soundtrack, but I know that you obviously understand that – one of the main reasons that film works is the sound design and I think you would be the first to agree.
If I seemed overly, uh, aggressive when we spoke about it at the pub, it’s probably because it’s one of the things I actually love about horror films so much (that and the pints had probably added up by that point…). I do enjoy a good fun gory film, but my faves in the genre are the creepfests and “atmospheric” films – the ones that slowly curl you up in a ball on the couch without you even realizing it. And probably the biggest contributor to their creep is the sound field. It’s what you don’t see sometimes that can scare you the most – things that go bump in the night, creeks and groans in an old house, a voice or whisper that may or may not have come from behind you, etc. I’ll be interested to hear what you think of “Pulse” when you see it – I think the sound design is remarkable in that film and really adds to the spookiness. Obviously it likely won’t impact you in the same way as The Exorcist because it doesn’t contain the same story elements. Nor are any of the Japanese characters called Ryanu Macneilaku…B-)
For your headphone soundtrack you should have listened to the actual Mike Oldfield album. Actually, if you had put Tubular Bells, Tubular Bells II and Tubular Bells III on one after the other, it probably would have covered the whole movie…
Oh, and here’s a spiffy article on Horror at the Oscars. If you stretch the definition a bit and also look at other categories, the horror genre sneaks in a bit more, but for the most part it gets left behind a lot.
Glad to hear you won’t be counting The Exorcist is your weekly tallies. I’d have to lead the revolt…B-)
No offense taken, for starters.
You’re bang-on about how the sound design in horror is what makes some of these stories so effective. And yeah, when it’s whispers, thumps, and creeps I’m all over it. But when we’re blending angry bees and slaughterhouses, I call uncle.
Basically it’s as if I read the book but skipped past the pages that told the particularly scary bits.
I actually wasn’t so fussed about PULSE actually…
“Not The Bees! My eyes, my eyes! Aaaarrgghhh!” Sorry, had to do that…
So not being “fussed” about Pulse – does that mean not being overly scared/unnerved by it or just simply not liking it?
A little bit of both. I wasn’t unnerved in the slightest and felt like I’d seen this brand of Japanese horror a few times already.
Jim Emerson has a great post on “Movies as school dares”.
I can’t blame my ‘Exorcist’ is The Omen, the original Omen. The score for that films still scares the hair straight up on my arms.
Good to know I’m not the only one bro. These movies are designed to scare us, so I suppose it’s fitting that their achieving their desired result.
I must say that I rarely watch horror because I can easily get scared; especially when it’s about some mysterious powers. I watched this film not that long ago just because it’s a classic, i.e. for the same reason why you decided to overcome your fears. And I thought it was great. Not that it’s among my top favorites of all time — I doubt that someday a horror flick will step into my ultimate top list of fave movies — but it was seriously amazing. The staircase spiderwalk scene is one of the most unforgettabe moments in those few horror films that I’ve seen. I was petrified.
I enjoyed reading your story. Fantastic essay Ryan!
Great post. You really captured some of the elements of what makes this such a terrifying (and well made) film. Closing your eyes just does not help assuage the terror of it. I was not raised Catholic nor am I a practicing Christian. None of that matters, it still to this day absolutely freaks me out. I grew up in the DC area & we used to go to the stairs in Georgetown at night(after drinking escapades) and run up & down them. Reading the book later, then researching its origins of a boy in nearby Fredrick, MD who had an exorcism performed on him (in the late 40’s) has only served to make it’s horrific effect more pronounced on me.
Inserting your personal experience in the essay made it. Keep at it.
Welcome to The Matinee Fulmer!
I was in DC this summer and as I was watching the film, I regretted not finding it in myself to nut up sooner. I like finding spots here and there where famous films were shot and I really would have loved climbing those steps in Georgetown. I’ll have to settle for walking across the bridge that we see midway through the film.
Great post. This highlights one of the many reasons why I think The Exorcist is potentially the greatest film ever made. It is pretty much the only film that can have such an effect on people (away from the films that strive to disgust the viewer through graphic violence etc.). It is also the only film to do things like this to audiences that has also been nominated for an Academy Award.
Like you, I steered well clear of The Exorcist for many years. When I did eventually watch it, it scared me senseless. But I’ve watched it again and again, and while it never loses its power or appeal, I’ve grown to love it as one of my all time favourites.
Funny thing though is that a lot of younger viewers now put it on and either shrug it off or laugh at it. It saddens me a little since there are still plenty of classic horrors that shake me up.
I know what you’re talking about with increased resistance due to repeat exposure. It’s what has allowed me to finally find my nerve in the first place.
Ok, so here’s my question… my 5 year old nephew is well on his way to being what you’re describing. EVERYTHING remotely related to scary things terrifies him- even PBS kids shows. And while his father/my brother is comfortable watching most things, he doesn’t seek horror out. And my sister-in-law/his mother wouldn’t watch a horror if it saved her life. So I think my nephew is picking up the vibe from his mom.
But here I am, the wacky uncle who gets to try half-assed parenting whenever I’m around him. I don’t want him growing up afraid of stuff. And I’d LOVE to be able to share age-appropriate scary movies with him as he gets older. Right now at age 5, I wish I could watch Scooby Doo with him, for instance.
Here’s my long-winded question. Do you think there’s anything that could have been differently when you were a kid that might have changed how you feel about horror today? Or is my nephew doomed?
Soooo… Interesting. I must say that I have watched this film three times, once as a child, once as a teen and once last week. The only thing that truly creeps me out about it is the short shots of that devil face, the one that’s your last picture here. Otherwise, I’m strangely fascinated by the effects and the way the story and the tension is built up. I just think it’s one of the best executed horror films out there. I mean, it’s kinda more of a psychological drama than a horror film.
PS: My parents used to have this weird ‘Klabautermann’ doll hanging in their ship and they said that it would come out at night – it still gives me goosebumps when I think of that thing.
So yeah – that’s my weak spot.
“…more of a psychological drama than a horror film.”
Exactly, and that might be why I find it so affecting. Jump out of the shadow and yell “boo!” and I don’t even flinch. Start fucking with my brain, and I’m running for the door.
That doll sounds trippy! Do you have a photo of it?